5 10 reasons The Hobbit will suck

All that crazy hype over The Hobbit is getting really annoying. I don't feel it's such a challenge to put the things in perspective and come to the obvious conclusion that there is no doubt this movie will suck massive ass. With such overblown expectations, a disappointment on some level equals a total disappointment. So tough luck, fanboys... I'm sure those of you who live in denial will continue doing so till 14th of December when the (Middle) Earth will shatter. In a year full of colossal letdowns, here are the then reasons why at the end of it awaits the biggest and the most certain one.

1 The meaning behind "Lady in the Water"

Bulgarian version

Long ago I came across this excellent analysis of what must be one of the most unappreciated and misunderstood movies of all times - M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water. It was posted on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes boards by a guy with a nickname mjl517. At some point this review disappeared and currently there is no place on Internet where it can be found - so I decided to repost it here. No matter what do you think about Shyamalan or his movies, this is a must-read. Enjoy!

1 IMDb Top 250 vs. Rotten Tomatoes

Part I

Part II

Bulgarian version

So, here's the final chapter of my little statistical study of IMDb Top 250, which was supposed to involve the critics' opinion on the best... um... I mean the most popular movies of all time. Initially I thought one could gather some interesting correlations and paradoxes to comment on. Unfortunately, I found mostly shit. Obviously one can't expect that an eventual chart made accordingly to critics' ratings, will be more objective than the one made by the IMDb users, because really the only difference is that critics are paid to watch movies systematically and afterwards they tend to express their feelings, limitations, misunderstandings, simple needs, and annoying personal biases in a more or less readable form.

0 IMDb Top 250 Deconstructed / Part II

Bulgarian version

Part I

It seems it's rather easy to extract some more information about the movies in IMDb Top 250, in mostly automated way. So, in this part - genres, awards, money, ages and genders. Enjoy!

6 IMDb Top 250 Deconstructed

Bulgarian version

The chart with the best 250 movies of all time at IMDb is periodically penetrated by overhyped crap, which by itself is a basis for endless discussions about the taste of the average moviegoer and the lack of objectivity when art is concerned. Now we live in a moment like this. 4 years have passed since The Dark Knight was at the top of the chart (and then standing for weeks between Shawshank Redemption and The Godfather before it slowly fell at its current 8th place). Two years ago the same happened with Inception. And now The Dark Knight Rises is at the prestigious 13th place, which is just wrong on so many levels.

Going through the full chart I asked myself - is it really that impossible to extract some meaningful and representative information out of this colossal statistics (hundreds of thousands of votes per movie)? Representative about something other than the mad nerdiness that suffocates the sensible judgment? It's easy to say - to hell with it, anyway there is no objectivity in cinema, so it's not important that The Avengers is rated better than anything Coen Brothers ever directed. If we were listening to the crowd we would be eating in McDonalds every day... The problem is that because of crowd's taste you have McDonalds at every street corner. IMDb Top 250 shows what is popular, and what is popular is what is being made the most. So, it is in everyone's interest to find as many personal favorites as possible in this chart.

Curious to find what exactly is the role of the fanboyism in IMDb Top 250, I've decided to have a deeper look at the statistics, which is available for the users.

5 The 50 greatest scenes in Game of Thrones (Season 2)

Bulgarian version

I know the following can leave the impression that the author is either overly inspired by Game of Thrones, or too crazy. Don't get me wrong - the second season of the show is still full of problems, far from the perfection of other HBO classics like The Sopranos, The Wire and Deadwood (or the ongoing Boardwalk Empire). However, along the countless faults and miscalculations (wrong casting decisions, at times unbearable overacting, story-lines that are either too dense or too diluted, strange deviations from the source material, compromised battle scenes, horrifying musical score...) there are glimpses of true inspiration throughout the season. Even when Game of Thrones stumbles, it is still a colossal TV event. Below are 50 of those particular glimpses. The order is not completely random, but with the exception of the first place, it should be not taken too seriously. Enjoy!

Many thanks to Beast and Roland, who helped me to put together the English translation.

9 The Dark Score Sinks

Bulgarian version

The one million dollar question 10 days before The Dark Knight to Rise for the last time is whether or not Nolan would do the unthinkable and kill off Bruce Wayne. Well, we already know the answer to that question: Batman will die and his murderer is Hans Zimmer. Empire gave us full access to TDKR score, which can be found here, and it just confirmed that my worst nightmare is actually going to happen. The awful deterioration of music quality in Nolan's trilogy is mind-blowing. It's actually depressing to hear how progressively worse those scores has become. The saving grace of Batman Begins' soundtrack was James Newton Howard and his three tracks - Eptesicus, Macrotus and Nycteris, all of them infinitely better than the pulsating boredom that surrounds them. Sadly, after his role in The Dark Knight score has been reduced to a footnote (even the beautiful Harvey theme was underused in the film), Rises is now a one man show. As a result, the entire soundtrack for the saga's conclusion is basically a set of painfully formulaic progressions, recycled from the worst parts of TDK. You just cannot call this music anymore.